I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

weeping makes red what is naturally yellow undertoned. 

yellow and red. where is the blue?

blue is the feeling, i think-

because i will never see you again

blue eyes, dissonance, cry.

sobbing, weeping, red.

red red red red red pink

goodbye yellow, goodbye nature, goodbye “firsts”. goodbye.

you give and then you get-

i gave and now i get…..

unrequited love. 

got pain, give pain.

there are so many tears….when does it stop?

the pallor of us, our face 
my wrists
my eyes
my impact
speeding toward red lights.

my need, the speed
the burning, rushing
fingertips; reisling.

ticket on cahuenga
red background, borough unknown
partner showing every thing
a novice need know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbuKDFITPDo

cause it’s cold outside
when you coming home?

cause it’s hot inside
isn’t that enough?

we are not in love
we are not in love
we are not in love

all you bastards are telling me my intuitions were wrong. i can’t believe it. it doesn’t feel right. it is nothing right. 

master hypnotist. beliefs, “truth”, blah blah. i want to know what it was like when we were existing in abstracts still. exaggerated, BIG, ROUND, over, above, GRAND, obtuse!, when WE were number one. WE US YOU and I. ME. my kind. i want to be then. now is so bad. this life is so grief-ridden. running on and on and on with misunderstandings and ms communications and terrible sensory assumptions and taking things as they are and aaaaaah….. 

ich komme aus NICHT mexiko, tahiti, madagaskar, ABER KALIFORNIEN. ich bin nichts “VANILLA”, aber BRIANNE.

beware of overcompensation, you’re going to have to pay it all back one day…

-femininity
-submissiveness
-recklessness
-wanton disregard

yup. all that.

who does one marry?

 for every thing is a gift.
every thing inconstant.
every thing murderous.
every thing false.

no thing means what it meant, especially across generations. even those touching. 15, 20 years is too much. you are kidding and lying to agree to similarities. NOW is so god damned different. you can’t touch it.

i am so glad for the movement of the FUTURE. i am so glad to grow toward more more more more of my TRUTH and LOVE. forward, onward, UP!

goodbye, 2012. and fuck you royally. you are the past, and i care nothing for it.

kyrie eleison.

from Reading Gaol:

 And every human heart that breaks,
  In prison-cell or yard,
Is as that broken box that gave
  Its treasure to the Lord,
And filled the unclean leper’s house
  With the scent of costliest nard.

Ah! happy day they whose hearts can break
  And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
  And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
  May Lord Christ enter in?

——–

Yet each man kills the thing he loves
  By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
  Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
  The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
  And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
  Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
  The dead so soon grow cold.

 Some love too little, some too long,
  Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
  And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
  Yet each man does not die.