i'm not going to give up easy

ENFPs sometimes make serious errors in judgment. They have an amazing ability to intuitively perceive the truth about a person or situation, but when they apply judgment to their perception, they may jump to the wrong conclusions.

no shit?!

i won't be anyone's hippie girlfriend. i won't be anyone's indie girlfriend. being a girlfriend -only- is boxing enough, thanks. you should be so lucky.

there are people dying of starvation in the north korean countryside. boiling tree bark and clay to put in their bellies. the wonders of COMMUNism.

i think about you and i fucking weep for all the beauty and purity of it. criminy.

life is really a larger percentage of 'party' than you would assume.

"You're all flops. I am the Earth Mother, and you are all flops. "

summer looms

Freeway is the sweetest, most darling adorable dog. this is amazing. i think i'll get lonely too soon. there is no allowance for depression in such a space. you go there, you're gone. forces your ass to get up on your TOES damnit. that's not so bad, when you see it that way.

seek knowledge.
embrace pain.
embrace pleasure.
hug YOURSELF.

evidently, i am causing all those bruises on my right thigh. slamming things shut. dumb.

for lunch hour these days i have been driving. down 751. horses, lakes, greenery, farms, folks. i blare The Knife or The Cure. beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fD-LotJOc0

http://www.manjulaskitchen.com/
i want to make paneer.

Chris reminds me so damned much of Jon. it is fucking amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0LIO138Z-A
this is lovely.

i have been out in Duke forest bottle-feeding kittens, being cooked for, and reading about ayurvedic healing, the power of myth, and the hare krishnas. i am so....

archetype. you are a magnet. there is no fucking avoiding this. what beauty. what bliss. i am so in love with my friends.

i veganized the pumpkin bran muffin recipe. amazing.

today i woke up to 'lucky number' by lene lovich. so fitting.

lovelove

this is now.
this is here.
you are you.
and i am i.
breathe.

there is no reconciliation. our worlds may touch. but never mix. my beauty means nothing to you. and that is irreconcilable. full fucking stop.

i cannot imagine living in such an ugliness. the chair is your happiness. the boxy window puts a smile on your face. symmetry. for what? simple. so fucking simple. bland. blandness. you don't have my pity. there is no compassion for you. we are of completely different worlds. we don't breathe the same perfumed air. you do not even recognize the air as being perfumed. what could i possibly have to gain from you? i won't lie to myself anymore. romance has no place in this. optimism either. nothing. there is nothing to gain from the other side. i am not in the business of wasting time. no more.

stay. go. out. there and here.
but you can't.
touch and talk and breathe
but you can't.
not without me.

i need this program. very specific. let's make music.

accepted: 4 rejected: 276.
juggle juggle juggle juggle
it's not enough to let some balls fall-
you've got to throw them up against the wall
and then check to see they're dead.
being dropped is for others
this could never happen to me.

i am dealing with the surface of all that feeling
how fucking sad. you know?
there is no permanence.
THERE IS NO PERMANENCE.
i can't be one of many.
selfish, selfish girl.
no one is as guilty as me.
and i wouldn't have it any other way.

time to slow down
stop.
we can sail along
bliss.
ignorance....
but before too long
you know.

the harem grows. it is a sickness with me.

Oh My Lover
PJ Harvey

Oh my lover
Don't you know it's alright
You can love her
You can love me at the same time
Much to discover
I know you don't have the time but
Oh my lover
Don't you know it's alright

Oh my sweet thing
Oh my honey thighs
Give me your troubles
I'll keep them with mine
Take at your leisure
Take whatever you can find but
Oh my sweet thing
Don't you know it's alright

It's alright
It's alright
There's no time
So it's alright

What's that color
Forming around your eyes
Waltz my lover
Tell me that it's all right
Just another
Before you go
Go away
Oh my lover
Why don't you just say my name

And it's alright
Say it's alright
There's no time

friends as lovers, lovers as friends

i am always humming this to myself:

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend

And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be

What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last

And will we ever end up together?
no, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one

so. i'm 22. and how i've grown. it feels amazing.
i am itching to travel. forget plans. let's just go. come with me.

love love

damn. i crave distraction. even more. going to numb.
this is not neediness.
this is realization.
i am fully grasping what i have known and felt.
this is admittance.
i do care. i am fucking free.
this is not bubbling under.
this is truth.

i dreamt of Jon.