i want to seize her
and tell her that i love her so
testify to all that i have ever felt for this girl

walk on the wing
on the face of desire
walk through this place
as if you’re home
and GIVE as a friend
as a will that won’t bend
GIVE all you have
a little MORE

but love lies in ruin
and better still,
my heart has ceased to care for any one

it is unwise to put a stop
atop any fluid thing
let the vessel pour out….
pray pray pray PRAY.

i bend you in to enemy.
i bend in to champion.
papillon.

ugly……
he catches these waves and then BEGS for MORE MORE MORE MORE into LIGHT.
i lay down, roll over and let them CRASH CRASH CRASH.

illusion. she says. hesitate.
let it die
let go
let memory happen.
the boy who always FIGHTS. but not for peace. peace INSIDE.
all i want…..
the girl who was so simple it was is and remains ever, always, COMPLICATED-TATED.
death.

her determined gait.
his inability to wait
in silence.

push push push push push pussssshhhhh
light it up.

clean? respect?

he says where we are going i can take no thing. not even some of my bones….. or daydreams.
heartful of hollow.
there is a reason those words have stuck with me.
they resonate because they struck some truth. rays of light.
now or never. sink or swim. need and bleed.

inside every girl a Gretchen.
inside every boy a Faust.
here i sit at my loom,
day dream out the window
willing you to me.

Mrs. Dalloway to the florist
carrying the flowers home
Mrs. Dalloway walking down the street
every single step of hers.

draw no lines.
EMPATHY ECSTACY!
Magdalene: whore or wife? both!
i am a humble vessel.
i will champion you all-ways.

tied to you.
holding your hand.
refrain.

we dance
and we sing
he just wants to be in the light
he only wants to see some of the light

i feel entitled to no thing.

kidneys glowing GREEN.

she speaks. she says.

Don says i am a PRIZE. i am a treasure. the ‘death cut’ or ‘transdimensional lovesong’.

the manifesto, i am pondering. it is too close.

even in the summer
even in the spring

avoid this. avoid this, Brianne. it will happen if you allow it.

pour your guts out.

passions speed.

i freed myself from my family
i freed myself from work
i freed myself
i freed myself
and remained alone

Winterlong
-The Smashing Pumpkins

and if i fall into you all
will my rain cease and dissolve
some come to harm, others to grace
so let my friends fly under these wings

we’re giving it up to the sun
we’re giving it up to the moon
we’re giving it up to the earth
giving it up from our room
know when there’s nowhere to run
know when there’s not much to lose
sometimes it seems so long
since you had a chance to refuse

we built a fire
winterlong
transform to iron
winterlong
i was the first one
i was the last one to be strong

and if i fall into you all
will the silence shatter and stall
some feel movement, others stand still
so let the moment become my will

we’re giving it up to the sun
we’re giving it up to the moon
we’re giving it up to the earth
giving it up from our rooms
know when there’s nowhere to run
know when there’s not much to lose
so why does it take so long
to find out who is who

we built a fire
winterlong
transform to iron
winterlong
i was the first one
i was the last one to be strong

we’re giving it up to the sun
giving it up to the moon
we’re giving it up the the earth
giving it up from your room
we’re giving it up to the sun
giving it up to the moon

don’t go blind.
hide me.

leda and the swan

trumpets sound his arrival
there is no mistaking.

sometimes they deafen,
others, BRIGHTEN.

and me i sing
and all the COLORS.

they are for you
do you hear my heartsongs?

‘she wants to run away…’
‘will she ever stay…?’

sterility. save for your vibrations.
once more, with feeling- I AM NOT A DELICATE FLOWER.

i think of o. henry when you speak
visions of the couple shuffling around their modest apartment.
watch chain, hair combs.

‘i never wanna be your fella- i never wanna be the one.’

PHYSICAL PHYSICAL PHYSICAL PHYSICAL PHYSICAL HYSTERIA

it is ok to recognize the god inside another. all others, even. but to disregard YOUR OWN. to put ANOTHER in place of YOURS. no. blackness.

MOOD KILLER.

i trust you.
undo.

_____________________

mer de noms

this must be it. her long fucking hair. her short fucking dress. her pale skin. her blind eyes. her folded ears. her closed mind. her forgetfulness. her OBLIVIOUSNESS. her impertinence. her OBSTINENCE. HER EAGERNESS TO RUN THE FUCK AWAY.

i felt the impossibility so EARLY. this is why. this is why. this is why. WHY. we should only speak of beauty. really. YOU FUCKING FLOWER PICKER. FLOWER PICKER.

no. i won’t beg. three libras. i am content.

i will never say damaged goods and raw materials. i will never fault you for wanting it all. why? because it is so beautiful, i weep for it. wounds wounds wounds….you POET. poet. beautiful poet. chanson this, chanson that. heartsong here, heartsong there.

speak to me. breathe.

love.

the moon betrayed you. out at the farm, under the moon. i see the child in your face.

i disagree with your methods. they are unnecessary. please please please please stop.

Katharina:

Fie, fie! unknit that threatening unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes,
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor:
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty;
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks and true obedience;
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband’s foot:
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready; may it do him ease.