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  • sanguine to phlegmatic

    yes, i am disgusting. i've been back since monday night and still have yet to unpack. perhaps it's the obvious lack of motivation- perhaps it's the thrill of living out of a suitcase in my own apartment.... i really don't have a lick of time.

    whilst dreaming last night, i fought off a homeless man weilding a shard of broken bottle. i remember being absolutely terrified of being cut anywhere besides my hands....and thankfully was able to resrict all injuries to my right index finger. after the two of us were discovered by the authorities, i defended him. i took compassion on my specifically freckled and pale-haired capturer.

    the sound of a woman yelling is something i find very appealing. specifically, a woman with a good set of lungs. no one could say they'd prefer a nice yelling from a man than a woman. no one.

    i attended a lecture yesterday concerning differing levels of social tolerance in post-totalitarian countries.....anyway, the fulbright scholar was overly-focused on his home country of Ukraine, and therefore lost my attention very quickly. it's still difficult for me to overlook that sort of thing, you know? the person, no matter how dripping in P.h.D of this or P.h.D of that loses all credibility with me after having demonstrated such a sickening bias. at very least, try to represent your lecture for what it really is, ok?

    i am very....uuugh. i am not all here. all things are drifting along.....and it grows hotter and more uncomfortable each day. my small, short window of opportunity is closing too quickly....i'm going to be stuck in this tomb.

    for the longest time i've felt red....and now suddenly, i feel a very specific yellow. perhaps my humors are reapportioning?

    love.

  • i've gotta feelin'..........

     

    i am losing it here. someone, fortheloveofgod, TAKE ME HOME.

     

    anyway- yes. i am nearing that final death blow....i can feel it. can't you just imagine an electronic version of this song? ooo......it would be glorious.

    reading novels is easily equated to watching television. i read 20 pages into "the devil wears prada" and just about wanted to gouge my eyes out. really now, who gives a flying fuck?

    i always swore to myself i'd never be one to drag an admirer through the mud. well, swearing has gotten me real far. undoubtedly i will end having been crowned "queen bitch" several years in a row, i'm sure.

    men are animals. unfortunately, i am no lion tamer. i wish more than anything that i could open a single mind to something never viewed before. life is much more beautiful this way.....but only if there is another to share the sights.

    "everything'll be fine. i'm probably sterile anyway."

    i cannot control myself. i listen to anything, read anything, and there is your voice, your face. a person could crumble over this- OR, be driven to drastic movements. so, the question- how soon will i end up in Koreatown?

    "we are lovers in different ways."

  • it is an odd feeling to know that she knew the closest she'd ever get to having me in that way was to set me up with someone else......and then, of course, have them herself, later. i am not so shocked......but i should be.

    you will be glad (or not) to know that i am choosing you over homework this hour. ....and now i've lost my 'h'. letter-sized void on my keyboard. shucks, and my music's disturbed my roommates. damn, darn. darn.

    we've collectively decided i'm getting off that regimen. .....all's i've gotta do is tell him. and then, of course, shield my face from all the anger he'll spill.

    my favorite hobby is, apparently, the squandering of my millions. i am quite good at it, i'll have you know. school, music, gas, clothes, him, you know...

    fog fog fog

    one day, i will accomplish a closeness that was in no way forced. yes, i am deciding to forego fun. and please- don't let me forget to return my ernest wood. i will miss that sweet hindu.....

    deerhoof is ok, i guess. i am really over the cute little japgirl voice though, you know?

    i'm finally getting out for a bit....i'll be back mid-march with beautiful beats and the knowledge of conversion. i so miss the south......one day i'll come back with a husband on my arm, i just know it. (haaha......)

    everytime that beautiful armenian boy walks by i get the most horrible flutterings in my chest. and then i print; so much that there isn't a large enough binder in creation to hold it all..... sigh.

    i miss you, boy. i think i really did love you, and that's why it still hurts so bad.

    good morning, all of that.

    loves.

  • don't talk, just listen

    salfordadult

    sleepless days and sleepless nights
    pick up the phone, i'll be alright
    your mother wouldn't like it
    hearing you talk that way

    in the moment after i'd finally  drift off, i would shudder myself awake again. i actually found myself with eyes glued shut imagining it was him last night. images of nylon floating around my mind.....

    nails and lips. neck (welted) and ears.

    this is what happens- finally, a day off and nowhere wanting to go. c'est la vie.

    i've been thinking about myself a whole lot lately. all theories pushed aside i've realized have been solely of me. maybe that's good? ...and maybe that's why i've all but completely disregarded the phone. no one else can have me.

    i studied the avacado ummm.....sometime last week. did you know they are actually berries?

    'ello, february. you are very welcome. anything to bring me closer to march 20th.....

    uhp....it's happened. i can't even hear it anymore.

    really, i have nothing to say
    so i'll just listen to you breathe
    i'll listen to you breathe

  •  if i could be anything in the world that flew
    i would be a bat and come swooping after you

    tamara

    i am more than ecstatic about this semester. i could not explain.....

    i finally got around to giving blood this past wednesday.....made me all mushy inside. also been romping around with my love more regularly- and hoping to everything that's holy that it will last....

    maybe i should be more worried, you know? i just can't be. it is the natural order for things to go. just GO- and they will. everything must go and so will i.

    caught an episode of The Jefferson Hour this night. he spoke on religion and how the rational being is to correctly view such a thing. i merely look to my brothers and always find that they have already spoken for me- and well, at that. my life contains no immmeasurable difference from yours. it's just that names & dates have been altered.

    the modern film Little Women is something i am very proud of adoring.

    it was all traded, you know? i'm not improved.....i am merely floating along this overly-salted sea of mine...

    lo-lo-lo-lo-loooove

    and curtains laced with diamonds, dear for you

  • we caught the fire but the body escaped
    love other people but I don't know their names

    i'm about sick of everything. i miss school so horribly.....i will be so disgustingly relieved on tuesday....good god.

    i caught a bug recently. well, re-caught the same bug. i've been taping and cutting and shaping and moving anything and everything i can dig out of my dresser. no pics of any of that yet, but here:

     
    made crepes one afternoon before work.....


    mounted this recently.... 

    i have missed my better half. i will never know why i torture myself increasingly worse as the years go by with this.....i'm hoping at very least i will cease to bring anyone else into it. that's my main issue as of this moment.......gaaaaaaaaaah......

    mostly, i'll look at something for about 2 seconds, be incapable of figuring it out within that alotted time, and then turn away and never consider it again. you know- at least i'm catching myself breeding my own ignorance.....that's got to count for something.

    my point- i am becoming again. books and art and school..... i feel the glum rising and gliding off into the very distant distance. i'm so happy to be with my heart and head again. he frightened me so......

     

    i'm in no fit state
    i'm in no fit shape
    to fall in love with you
    to make a record of my life
    to lose any more than I need
    to watch my fingers bleed
    to bust my body up
    to drink out of your cup
    to act a fool in love
    acting hard's been tough
    to act a fool in love
    acting hard's been tough

  • was kann ich tun um diesen Augen zu gefallen?
    beautycase öffne dich

    pictures i've not gotten around to posting....update update

     
    our first thanksgiving together....and the first turkey i ever cooked. =)


    yummm say you


    hi.

     
    isn't he cute and blurry....?


    my spooky dresser top


    the tree bobbli put on my wall before disappearing to texas


    lately unfinished dresser


    mehrrr.r.....

     

    attempted to quit my job....wasn't allowed to. remained with the promise of more moolah and whatever hours i want....yeah.....we'll see if that happens.

    my life.......isn't much of one. i can never see you or anybody else. all extraneous time is spent cleaning something or other. i should have asked for a maid for christmas. goddamn....

    sometime soon i promise happiness to myself.

    guten nacht

  • "Minimaliste" -Deux

    J'suis un champion du Master Mind
    Certains m'appellent la majorette
    Mistinguett New Look anormale
    Ce qui n'veut pas dire géniale
    Plutôt un p'tit peu trop banale
    Je suis branchée sur un canal
    qui ne remonte pas le moral
    Je suis du genre minimaliste
    J'suis un champion du Master Mind
    Certains m'appellent la majorette
    Mistinguett New Look anormale

  • people convince themselves their jealousy was justified. i refuse; and admit to my own idiocy.

  • my boyfriend moved in. 5 years to the day after our first kiss. "awwwwww" says the crowd.....

     

    i am very happy. and very very cold. i read only rolling stone mag and listen only to miss oxygen and alison goldfrapp. i am DETERMINED to give my two weeks notice on friday. i need to get the hell away from there. god, it's so damned cold. i love my boyfriend dearly......

    brrrrrrrrrrr

    loves ein tausand