i knew my manager voice hadn't come out for no reason this morning..... according to the new manager at work, i'm to be crowned something along the lines of "night manager" within this next week.....hahahaa......have you ever heard of someone being shift leader or night manager without having received so much as a 10 cent raise?!

i am well pleased with my boyfriend, i've just realized. very, very well pleased. i dread the day he realizes how deeply undeserving i am of him and all his beautiful kindness.

i need a sturdy film camera, a crepemaker, a new digital camera, a cd player for my truck, aaaaaaaaand......lots of hugs and kisses and love from everyone for this christmas. really though, you scratch out everything before the elongated ellipsis- i just want love and lots of good beats filling my heart.

9 months. my port of subs baby is due this day. warm, gooey, mayo/mustardy womb.

my life is now defined by what art history i know of and the time i spend with my darling boyfriend. i'm getting used to the change....... tick-tock, tick-tock.

eventually...sometime or other.

love love love love love love love

meeeoooowoooowwww

art history is AMAZING. i have a monstrous crush on my teacher (she is female) because of this. she's perfection. i can't help it. nor can i wait for next semester.

pay days are the best days. tomorrow i am going to....ummm......put it into my savings because i am naughty and spent a lot of it. sigh.

i am trying not to worry about ending up a pathetic piece of nothing. try is all i can do.

i'm sorry. and now, 20 min. of my own as i listen to the sound of $125 being slipped under my door....

kiss kiss

oooh....forgive me, on the streets i ran

i wish i could be in a requited love relationship. it always seems to be that one partner is somehow or other heartless. unfortunate.

on roads you can never know...

i spent $50 on shoes today.....what is that? about $12.50 for each shoe....something.

til the day that you croak- it's no joke

he messaged me about 10 minutes after i'd described a pair of my new shoes to look like the type he wears. goddamnit........airplane glue.

sickness into popular song

my human sexuality textbook states that it is more likely for lesbians to have ring fingers longer than their indexes-like most men. my ring finger is only the slightest bit longer than my index. therefore, i am only slightly lesbian.

ha.

i have missed you.....

and i love you dearly, my sweets. küße für dich.

you may call what i've done admirable, or...........

..............else.

i want to watch cleopatra again. that elizabeth taylor woman is something to behold.

i desperately need to get on top again. i want to try living in my world again.....we'll see if he'll be welcome or no.

i am SO OVERWHELMED.

i left my wallet containing $127 at work this evening. woopsie............ i wrote my brother a check for $2,418.50 and it bounced, so they closed his bank account. uh-oh......

i am listening.....plainly.

how does it go? "only ignorant/evil people deal in absolutes." (vaguely, yes, i know).

heart.

os iusti meditabitur sapientiam
(the mouth of the just shall meditate wisdom)
et lingua eius loquetur iudicium
(and his tongue shall speak judgment)
beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
(blessed is the man who endures temptation)
quoniam cum probatus fuerit
(for, once he has been tried)
accipiet coronam vitae
(he shall receive the crown of life)

kyrie, ignis divine, eleison
(lord, holy fire, have mercy)
oh quam sancta
(oh how sacred)
quam serena
(how serene)
quam benigna
(how benevolent)
quam amoena
(how lovely)
oh castitatis lilium
(oh lily of purity)

destroy everything you touch today
destroy me this way
anything that may desert you
so it cannot hurt you

you may not know this. and though i take the pain you divvy out to me inside with ease, it does not mean you will not be made to pay one day.

wilted flowers do not deserve trampling feet.

i really really sincerely am striving to not mess myself up. my mental health is slooooowly climbing the priority ladder. i will accept pity in place of regret any damned day, thank you very much.

i have more to say than i could ever express....and so, there is this thing called striving.

if only the realization of "no truth only perception" was a more readily available one for you..... she is so the seductress.

what you touch you don't feel
do not know what you steal
destroy everything you touch today
please destroy me this way

you get your choice of anesthetic....

it is a strange emotion felt when you realize you take care of yourself better than your parents did.

now that fridays have been deleted, the jealousy-based fighting has ceased. i simply am no longer allowed contact with him. we leave eachother the ocassional voicemail......

i apologize. all i hear these days is "kaltes klares waßer". when at work, driving, having a conversation. kaltes. klares. waßer.

i am spoiled completely rotten. no one should be so loved.....

it is a new experience to hear someone snoring in the living room when i get up in the middle of the night to get a drink. bobblibear is such a dear. i love having her sweetness around.

i want to KNOW these people. i'm so tired of study.

be still your beating heart

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_renal_failure

sorrow............

i love him.

tu veux une claque?

boys spill shiny coins out of their pockets while rolling around in my bed.

do you believe in voodoo? i don't know what to tell you.

you live, you marry, you live, you die. i was in my room getting ready for work yesterday, and i got this sharp panging for "reel around the fountain". that almost never happens to me.

stop me stop me...oh, stommmmp me. i can't imagine sharing a room again.....how am i to share my life?!

it is a curse to know everything.  please don't be confused.

this is a spill. |||||always|||||.

arrrrgh....i see it already. i've had the most fun alone, you could not imagine. who else could know me?

guten morgen mein schatzen.....

liebe liebe

and just like that, the weekend is dead.

where have i been and what have i done, you ask? your guess is better than mine i'm sure.

lovies loving longly.....

sex and art is about all i can know anymore. want to teach me some more?

my body bleeding all over your best rug by the fire