January 4, 2009
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just a rainbo conversation
sigh.
i can now more easily recognize the change over in their faces, as it happens. the moment. running around town, screaming and laughing and living it up- and THEN- oh no!- the mask is seen! please baby, aren’t you turned on that i don’t know what a latte is? god, i’m so hot. thanks, hon. there you go, darling. thank you sweetie. can i get a water with lemon? WHIPPED CREAM?! i hate being so short. i don’t feel like a man…but it’s ok, because my girlfriend is an entire head shorter than me. what a cunt. i’m not interested in anyone over 140 pounds because uh…..you would weigh more than me, and i’m not down with that. i don’t actually want to be friends with you. let’s go play pool and drink at the bar, it’s what i do with my boyfriend who is 23 and lives with me and my mother in our apartment. i’m not pregnant or anything…hahahahaaahahahahhahsjashajaas
sigh.
today made me fantasize about marrying a rich old man and being his slave. today was a bad day. today made me shake my head at a yelling homeless man and check to make sure my door was locked. today was not good. being out in the table area always causes me to have terribly creative thoughts. i’m sure it’s because i’m always so angry when i’m in the table area. trying to appear stoic and composed.
i called G for an ear. i explained my plan. one week. bitches. life is too short.
i see what i do. clearly crystal. i quit things before they can quit me. the end is near, veer right. and that way i can feel numb or nothing while whatever the thing i am quitting gets totally caught off guard and left with all the shit. again, so i am numb and not sad or hurt or anything but numb.
sigh.
tomorrow is heavenly creatures with victorian lemonade showers. ah, bliss.
kiss kiss
